Five Reasons The Kings Will Win The Draft Lottery Tonight

Tonight is the Draft Lottery as everybody south of the eighth seed conference lines know and the Kings have the third best chance at securing a Top 3 pick.

There’s a little problem with that though. The Kings have horrible luck in acquiring a proper draft pick in the lottery. Since the lottery became a weighted process in 1990, the Kings have dropped in the lottery six times, stayed even with their position six times and made the playoffs the rest of the times. They’ve never moved up in the draft in 20 years. That’s sort of staggering to think about. They just flat-out have bad luck when it comes to playing ping pong, beer pong or with one of those toy guns that shoots ping pong balls.

The current situation for the Kings (third worst record in the league) gives them the following chances:

– 15.6% chance at moving up to number one
– 15.7% chance at moving up to number two
– 15.6% chance at staying with number three
– 22.6% chance at dropping to number four
– 26.5% chance at dropping to number five
– 4% chance at dropping to number six

The Kings have made the stomach-punching three-slot drop twice in the history of the weighted lottery. In 1993, they dropped from fourth to seventh and ended up with Bobby Hurley. In 2009, they dropped from first to fourth and ended up with some Tyreke Evans guy.

The Draft Lottery (5pm tonight on ESPN) is something that a lot of Kings fans don’t look forward to from the response I’ve received. But I want to make sure nobody has any trepidation about it. Here are five reasons the Kings will win the draft lottery:

1) Sacramento needs a new arena. David Stern and the committee who decides things dealing with arenas and fans hopes and such are going to have a heck of a time convincing the city of Sacramento, especially the Cal Expo folk, that this land swap, do-not-pass-go arena deal needs to get finalized. It’s not a bad deal by any means but it’s also not a no-brainer for all parties involved. Grabbing the first pick in the 2010 draft and essentially winning the rights to future super and marketing star John Wall would help keep the ball rolling. Stars and winning help secure arena deals in the NBA. Giving the Kings John Wall to go with Tyreke Evans would inevitably be another check in the pro column for this arena deal. David Stern knows this and will freeze the necessary ping pong balls to make this happen.

2) Tyreke Evans is representing the Kings at the lottery. All Tyreke knows how to do is win awards. Well, the number one pick in the NBA Draft is an award in and of itself (unless you’re the Clippers). Tyreke swept the rookie awards with the 2010 Rookie of the Year award AND the All-Rookie First Team selection (unanimous selection). NO OTHER ROOKIE CAN SAY THAT THIS YEAR!!! So clearly when the NBA reveals tonight that the winner of the lottery will be determined by several games of one-on-one, Tyreke Evans will once again show his dominance and walk away with the top pick.

3) John Wall means a dance partner for Donté Greene. I think that if the Kings receive the number one pick in the 2010 draft, they’d be fools not to select John Wall. Nevermind that the Kings already have a point guard in Tyreke. The beauty of a guy like Tyreke is you can slide him to the 2, insert John Wall at the point and watch as the rest of the league wets their pants in fear of having to guard those two. Outside of his play, John Wall is an accomplished dancer. I think he won first on a season of Dancing With the Stars and he even has his own dance:

Coming to the Kings would give Donté Greene a worthy dance partner.

4) Psychics need to be proven as the frauds they are. JE Skeets and Tas Melas went to a Toronto psychic to find out what the outcome of tonight’s lottery will be. Psychics are swindlers that steal your money and trick you into believing things will happen. They have no psychic abilities and are just very good at reading and manipulating people. They need to be exposed as tricksters. The Kings winning the lottery tonight will start the process of turning the psychic game on its head and giving it a swirly in the boys bathroom.

5) C’mon! It’s been 20 freaking years! How about some good karma being shared this way? The law of averages alone states that this is bordering on the absurd. The Kings have never moved up in the draft since the lottery became weighted. Before that, they “won the lottery” in 1989 and had to suffer through Pervis Ellison being their top pick. As Ziller states, they’ve stayed pretty quiet through the entire Donaghy fiasco, which should have awarded them some brownie points. The Clippers have won the lottery three times and their owner is the symbol of all that is horrible in the world. The Magic won the lottery in back-to-back years after setting up NBA residency for just three years. The Spurs won the lottery twice in ten years and received two Hall of Famers. It’s time to reward the royalty.

Bonus Reason: It will make the Draft Lottery Block Party in Midtown ridiculously awesome.


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